Two Boys, One Cop

I could use some insight here for a better ending y'all...

[Scene opens at the point of a bluff in Boyd, TX. At dawn a cop knocks on the window of an unfamiliar car, rousing the two sleeping, hung-over, 16-yr-old boys inside.]

Cop: (yelling from outside) Mornin’.

Ryan: (shaking Kyle - the driver) Dude, wake up. Cop.

Kyle: (peering sleepily out of the window) Ah shit.

Ryan: What do we do?

Kyle: (rolling down window) I don’t remember calling down to the lobby for a courtesy call.

Cop: Why are you boys sleeping up here? Big party last night?

Kyle: Naw, just passing through. We’re professional football players on our way back to Denver for off-season practice.

Cop: I don’t take kindly to bullshit. I’ll take your license though.

Kyle: The fake or the real one?

Cop: Hand me your entire wallet and get out of the car please.

Ryan: Dude, you don’t even have a fake. What are you doing?

Kyle: (gets out of car handing cop wallet) I had $200 in there when I handed it to you.

Cop: (opens wallet – it’s empty) (to Kyle) Sit your ass down.

Kyle: Yes SIR. Just… whatever you do - don’t look in the trunk.

Cop: (begins searching car)

Kyle: I know that legally you need my permission to search my vehicle.

Cop: (turns to Kyle) The only thing I need is for you to stop talking.

Kyle: No worries - I consent. If you just ask nicely I’ll tell you where the drug paraphernalia is.

Cop: You’re gonna get yourself in some trouble if you don’t stop runnin’ that mouth of yours boy.

Kyle: I’m just trying to be compliant officer. After all, it’s my duty as an Amurrrcan.

Cop: I may be old, but I understand sarcasm… and I caution you to be careful with it.

Kyle: Oh gol. Did you hear that Ryan? We could get jail time for our tone. Hide your Nikes. Not wearing cowboy boots is probably a felony offense here.

Cop: I’ve had about enough of you, kid.

Kyle: I’m not sure what you mean by that. Sir.

Cop: (glares at kyle)

Kyle: (sits on rock)

Cop: (continues tearing though Kyle’s car)

Kyle: That is a beautiful ass crack you have there, sir. Does the academy require a certain size backside to perform your strenuous activities?

Ryan: Seriously dude. Shut up.

Cop: You’d do good to listen to your buddy here.

Kyle: Oh I don’t listen to Ryan. There’s something about convicted rapists that isn’t so trustworthy.

Ryan: Kyle. Really? Not this time, please.

Cop: (to Ryan) You think it’s acceptable to take advantage of women?

Ryan: No sir. I would never do anything of the sort! I treat… women… very well!

Cop: (still tearing through car)

Ryan: I like to take things slow.

Kyle: (kicks rock)

Ryan: I mean. I have GREAT respect for women. I love my Mom.

Cop: (Moves to trunk)

Ryan: If you had a daughter. I would treat her like… like... a princess.

Cop: That’s about enough boy.

Kyle: I still don’t know what you’re looking for. You haven’t even asked us procedural questions. Is the Toys ‘R’ Us open in town? I’d like to pick myself up a shiny police man badge like yours.

Cop: You’re full of piss and vinegar this mornin’. You boys been drinking?

Kyle: Oh, no sir. I choose not to consume that vile liquid.

Cop: (squints at Kyle, then to Ryan) And you boy?

Ryan: I don’t.. (looks at Kyle) I can’t … I.. I… yes sir. I did it. I had a beer. But just a beer!

Kyle: Ugh, you dumbass. Oh, not you sir. I have utmost respect for authority figures. My acquaintance, Ryan. He is a gigantic dumbass as you are now well aware.

Cop: I’m gonna need you to step out of the vehicle son, and come over here for a breathalyzer test.

Ryan: But… what?! But I was honest with you.

Cop: You want me to be proud of you for not lying? God DAMN… you kids these days.

Cop: Alright son, blow long and hard until I say to stop.

Kyle: Using that line turns you on a little, admit it.

Ryan: (laughs, ruining breathalyzer test)

Cop: Again. You know what to do.

Ryan: (blows)

Cop: Congratulations. You came up zeros. You next, boy.

Kyle: Gladly.

Cop: Annnd zero’s. You’re lucky you had time to sleep that off.

Cop: As for you, son. I’m gonna need your license to write you this ticket.

Ryan: BUT. (looking to Kyle and back) I blew zeros.

Cop: However, you admitted to alcohol consumption which in Boyd, is illegal for an underage fella such as yourself.

Ryan: Unbelievable.

Kyle: I’m actually quite astounded by his ability to memorize these laws. It must mean he can read. Amazing.

Cop: You’ll get yours, kid. I can promise you that.

Kyle: Why, what EVER could you mean sir?

Cop: And I hope it’s me who gives it to you.

Kyle: Are you coming on to me sir?