I could use some insight here for a better ending y'all...
[Scene opens at the point of a bluff in Boyd, TX. At dawn a cop knocks on the window of an unfamiliar car, rousing the two sleeping, hung-over, 16-yr-old boys inside.]
Cop: (yelling from outside) Mornin’.
Ryan: (shaking Kyle - the driver) Dude, wake up. Cop.
Kyle: (peering sleepily out of the window) Ah shit.
Ryan: What do we do?
Kyle: (rolling down window) I don’t remember calling down to the lobby for a courtesy call.
Cop: Why are you boys sleeping up here? Big party last night?
Kyle: Naw, just passing through. We’re professional football players on our way back to Denver for off-season practice.
Cop: I don’t take kindly to bullshit. I’ll take your license though.
Kyle: The fake or the real one?
Cop: Hand me your entire wallet and get out of the car please.
Ryan: Dude, you don’t even have a fake. What are you doing?
Kyle: (gets out of car handing cop wallet) I had $200 in there when I handed it to you.
Cop: (opens wallet – it’s empty) (to Kyle) Sit your ass down.
Kyle: Yes SIR. Just… whatever you do - don’t look in the trunk.
Cop: (begins searching car)
Kyle: I know that legally you need my permission to search my vehicle.
Cop: (turns to Kyle) The only thing I need is for you to stop talking.
Kyle: No worries - I consent. If you just ask nicely I’ll tell you where the drug paraphernalia is.
Cop: You’re gonna get yourself in some trouble if you don’t stop runnin’ that mouth of yours boy.
Kyle: I’m just trying to be compliant officer. After all, it’s my duty as an Amurrrcan.
Cop: I may be old, but I understand sarcasm… and I caution you to be careful with it.
Kyle: Oh gol. Did you hear that Ryan? We could get jail time for our tone. Hide your Nikes. Not wearing cowboy boots is probably a felony offense here.
Cop: I’ve had about enough of you, kid.
Kyle: I’m not sure what you mean by that. Sir.
Cop: (glares at kyle)
Kyle: (sits on rock)
Cop: (continues tearing though Kyle’s car)
Kyle: That is a beautiful ass crack you have there, sir. Does the academy require a certain size backside to perform your strenuous activities?
Ryan: Seriously dude. Shut up.
Cop: You’d do good to listen to your buddy here.
Kyle: Oh I don’t listen to Ryan. There’s something about convicted rapists that isn’t so trustworthy.
Ryan: Kyle. Really? Not this time, please.
Cop: (to Ryan) You think it’s acceptable to take advantage of women?
Ryan: No sir. I would never do anything of the sort! I treat… women… very well!
Cop: (still tearing through car)
Ryan: I like to take things slow.
Kyle: (kicks rock)
Ryan: I mean. I have GREAT respect for women. I love my Mom.
Cop: (Moves to trunk)
Ryan: If you had a daughter. I would treat her like… like... a princess.
Cop: That’s about enough boy.
Kyle: I still don’t know what you’re looking for. You haven’t even asked us procedural questions. Is the Toys ‘R’ Us open in town? I’d like to pick myself up a shiny police man badge like yours.
Cop: You’re full of piss and vinegar this mornin’. You boys been drinking?
Kyle: Oh, no sir. I choose not to consume that vile liquid.
Cop: (squints at Kyle, then to Ryan) And you boy?
Ryan: I don’t.. (looks at Kyle) I can’t … I.. I… yes sir. I did it. I had a beer. But just a beer!
Kyle: Ugh, you dumbass. Oh, not you sir. I have utmost respect for authority figures. My acquaintance, Ryan. He is a gigantic dumbass as you are now well aware.
Cop: I’m gonna need you to step out of the vehicle son, and come over here for a breathalyzer test.
Ryan: But… what?! But I was honest with you.
Cop: You want me to be proud of you for not lying? God DAMN… you kids these days.
Cop: Alright son, blow long and hard until I say to stop.
Kyle: Using that line turns you on a little, admit it.
Ryan: (laughs, ruining breathalyzer test)
Cop: Again. You know what to do.
Ryan: (blows)
Cop: Congratulations. You came up zeros. You next, boy.
Kyle: Gladly.
Cop: Annnd zero’s. You’re lucky you had time to sleep that off.
Cop: As for you, son. I’m gonna need your license to write you this ticket.
Ryan: BUT. (looking to Kyle and back) I blew zeros.
Cop: However, you admitted to alcohol consumption which in Boyd, is illegal for an underage fella such as yourself.
Ryan: Unbelievable.
Kyle: I’m actually quite astounded by his ability to memorize these laws. It must mean he can read. Amazing.
Cop: You’ll get yours, kid. I can promise you that.
Kyle: Why, what EVER could you mean sir?
Cop: And I hope it’s me who gives it to you.
Kyle: Are you coming on to me sir?
